Memphis Airport

(Originally published October 17, 2006)

Two quick notes:

Until the rules change, Memphis seems to be the worst of any airport for the "Quart-sized plastic bag" edict.

I even went through LAX last week, and there was no Bag Police. But at MEM there's an actual person who must feast his/her eyes upon your baggie before you get to the machines.


Gallon sized baggie? Oh my, that won't do at ALL. You'll either have to throw the shit away or go ask for your checked baggage back and store the shit there. I'm not exaggerating. One of my friends from New Orleans went through a few days ago on her way back home, and she was so pissed she asked to see the supervisor. The super wouldn't budge, even though my friend had been through eight different airports lately who aren't giving this nearly so much structure.

Also:

If you are going thru the B gates at MEM on busy days, don't wait in the security lines if they are long. Simply walk left to A or right to C and enter there. Then you can take the moving sidewalks back. It can be MUCH faster most days.

Update/10-27:

Patrick Stewart at Salon has now done a story on the baggie issue.

It makes me feel a bit better that Memphis isn't the only one with Baggie Obsession. However, I note that the airport he went through only had a TSA dude yelling at him to put the baggie through the maching.

Not in Mempho. Nope. You don't even get through TO the bins until you get your baggie measured. The Baggie Policeperson in Memphis stands next to the ladies who initially look at your license and boarding pass. If you go through Memphis security, you'll recognize these ladies by their fingernails.

Several of them have nails that are literally four inches long. Imagine the extra time it takes them to palm your paperwork, due to a slight manual dexterity obstacle. Can you see this discussion in the nail salon?

"Gurl, where can we work where people will see these beauties?"
"How bout them folks who handle 50,000 plane tickets every day over at the airport?"
"Sounds good, but you reckon the TSA will hire us?"
"Gurl, you kiddin'?"